Career Opportunities
We're not hiring. We're always understaffed.
Current Openings
NO OPEN POSITIONS AT THIS TIME
All roles perpetually filled and perpetually underwater.
Why Join Our Team?
Unlimited Responsibility
Take ownership of everything. Literally everything.
Competitive Work-Life Imbalance
We offer the same poor boundaries as everyone else.
Opportunities for Horizontal Growth
Expand your role sideways indefinitely without upward movement.
Free Coffee (Sometimes)
When someone remembers to make it. BYOC policy in effect.
Exposure (In Every Sense)
Great for your portfolio. Not great for your rent.
Flexible Hours
Work anytime you want, as long as it's always.
Our Hiring Process
Step 1: Submit Application
Upload your resume to a portal that may or may not be monitored.
Step 2: Wait Indefinitely
Our timeline is flexible. Very flexible. Infinitely flexible.
Step 3: Assume You Didn't Get It
This is statistically the most likely outcome.
Step 4: Find Out We Lost Your Application
Our filing system is as organized as our roadmap.
Step 5: Start Anyway as "Contractor"
Full-time hours, part-time pay, no benefits. Welcome aboard.
How to Apply
Applications accepted via interdimensional portal only.
Alternative: Send your resume to /dev/null
Employee Testimonials
"I haven't slept in 3 years and my creativity has never been better!"
— Valerie, Principal Innovation Evangelist
"I love the teamwork here, mainly because I do everyone's job."
— Alex, Senior Owner of Unassigned Responsibilities
"The work-life balance is perfect if you consider work to be your life."
— Lena, Head of Execution & Delivery
"I've been temporarily filling in for this role since 2019. Any day now."
— Karl, Director of Foundational Metrics